How do you deal with two drunken majors?
by Ellie5
Summary: Janet gets plastered and Sam gets more drunk than she thinks.


Disclaimer: They're not mine. Feedback: Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease  
  
SAM  
  
13:47- Bored very bored, nothing in my lab to tinker with, decide to go annoy Janet.  
  
"Hey Janet." I say as I step into her office.  
  
"Oh hey." Oh well that makes me feel welcome,  
  
"You OK?" Kinda dumb question but....  
  
"Yeah fine." She answers unconvincingly, I can feel my face form a frown,  
  
"You don't look it." OK, there's a smile, improvement,  
  
"It's my anniversary." Huh, anniversary,  
  
"What?"  
  
"Wedding anniversary, the same day the divorce came through, it's been five years." Uh oh,  
  
"Oh wow. I forgot all about it."  
  
"Yeah, me too, 'til I saw the date. What are the chances of the divorce coming through on the same date as our wedding anniversary." She's laughing, not a good sign, it's fake laughing, like, haha I'm fine, but I'm really not.  
  
"I know. You ok about this, you're not regretting getting divorced are you?" Another dumb question, I'm on a roll here,  
  
"God no." She replies quickly, "I dunno, it's just strange." Strange what does that mean,  
  
"Yeah. Tell you what, how about we go out tonight? We could hit some clubs, we haven't done that for ages." She's laughing again, but I think it's real laughing this time,  
  
"Clubs, don't you think we're getting a bit old for that?" Ugh, I might be offended if it wasn't true,  
  
"Oh come on, you're never too old, come on you up for it?" Oh man, what am I thinking, a club, man I've said it now,  
  
"Fine....oh wait, what about Cassie?" Shit, kinda forgot about that,  
  
"Umm, I'll ask the Colonel, it's been ages since she's stayed at his." She's smiling again and shaking her head, what does that mean?  
  
"You're pretty determined aren't you?" Oh, OK, I think she's up for it. Let's go with it then,  
  
"Yeap."  
  
"OK, but only if the Colonel says yes." Oh, I wouldn't worry about that,  
  
"He will." She's frowning, "How can he say no to me." I can feel a smile forming, she's laughing again, oh ye of little face. "I'll pick you up at nine." I will not be seen in her car,  
  
"OK."  
  
13:49- Now how should I approach him with this, got it,  
  
"Hello sir." I say sweetly.  
  
"What do you want?" He sourly sourly, I scoffed before I realised what I was doing,  
  
"Me want something?" I pretend to be offended,  
  
"Yes, now spit it out what?" I give up,  
  
"Will you let Cassie stay at yours tonight?" I flash a smile at him,  
  
"Cassie? Why is something wrong?" Oh he's so sweet when he's concerned,  
  
"No, Janet and I are just going out, she just doesn't want to leave Cassie in on her own." He's grimacing, pretending to be annoyed,  
  
"Fine." I smile at his play-acting,  
  
"Thank you sir." I say as sweetly as when I came in,  
  
"You owe me." He says as I leave, in his dreams.  
  
19:30- Pick out an outfit, black pants with red top. I'm all set.  
  
19:34- Eugh, what was I thinking, this red top is horrific, why did I buy this.  
  
19:36- OK, I'm definitely set now, my little red dress, I can so get some free drinks in this.  
  
19:42- No, no, no, no, no. I am an idiot, I do not want to score tonight, that would be way to complicated, if Jack found out. Wait no, don't think like that. Oh wow, I need to sort this out.  
  
19:47- Been through two more outfits, am definitely set now, black pants, black top. Classic, smooth. Tonight should go fine. Need to take Janet's mind off this divorce-wedding thing. I am in no way trying to forget about Jack O'Neill and this whole stupid regulations situation. No I am fine about that, I am so over it.  
  
19:48- I hate the Air Force, stupid frat regulations.  
  
19:49- Have to stop this now, I'm fine. I will not get drunk tonight. Tonight is about Janet, she can get as pissed as she wants, cause there's no way she's fine. Ex and deceased spouses always cause trouble. I should know. The only one on SG-1 not to have been married.  
  
20:30- Leaving for Janet's now, why does she have to live on the other side of town anyway.  
  
20:34- Damn traffic.  
  
20:48- I hate this town, the world really sucks just now. Note to self- stop saving the world.  
  
Still 20:48- Very selfish, have to stop being like that.  
  
20:56- Finally at Janet's. Wow, I may not be looking to score but she sure is. Can you say *cough* wonderbra *cough*.  
  
20:58- Oh man, she's definitely not ok, she's half drunk already.  
  
21:15- Oh this is embarrassing, she was all over that bouncer.  
  
21:24- Who knew, ol' doc can take 5 tequila slammers in a row.  
  
21:34- It's been ten minutes, she's already had, 8 bottles of beer, two more slammers and she had about 15 exotically named cocktails bought for her. This is not going to be pretty in the morning.  
  
21:35- Oh, shit. I have to go pull her off that guy.  
  
21:37- She apparently doesn't appreciate me saving what little is left of her dignity.  
  
21:40- She's got away from me again. Oh man, where the hell is she. Oh no.  
  
21:41- Dammit, I can't get to her, she's on the table. Oh no. For the love of god Janet. Put that back on.  
  
21:43- Thank god, I managed to get to her before she did anything too bad. All of a sudden I am really glad I stopped drinking ten minutes after we got here.  
  
21:45- She really doesn't seem to want to leave this club.  
  
21:47- I can't find her again, please don't be stripping again. I have seen way more than I needed to.  
  
21:48- Man, she really likes that bouncer, had to pull her away from him before she did something really stupid. Beginning to think tonight wasn't such a good idea.  
  
21:53- I really need to get her out of here.  
  
21:57- I'm going to need help with that. Just realised I don't have enough for a cab back to hers anymore and I'm pretty sure whatever she brought me when we got here has taken me over the driving limit, not sure, but sooo not willing to risk drivers licence.  
  
21:58- Decide to call Jack, then remember that he has Cassie. Not a good idea for her to see her mother like this. She seems to be having trouble forming coherent sentences.  
  
21:59- Drag Janet outside club and call Daniel, only after I hang do I realise what a stupid idea that is. Remember that Jane has thing for Daniel when she's drunk. Suspect she' has thing for Daniel when she's sober too, but she sober so she won't do anything about it.  
  
22:14- Daniel finally arrives to find me (looking rather pissed off, I suspect) and a heap that somewhat resembles a CMO on the ground next to me. He comes over, looking quite shell-shocked at the state of her. I think someone's just fallen off a really high pedestal. Am thinking Janet's thing for Daniel is reciprocated. Only been out for an hour and three quarters and I'm already too tired for conversation. Just give general grunts to respond to Daniel's enquiries about why she's in such a state.  
  
22:15- As we tried to get her in the car, she woke up again, tried to go back into the club. Daniel stopped her this time. And now I'm embarrassed for her. Seems I'm not the only one who remembers she has thing for Daniel. She begins professing her undying love for him.  
  
22:16- I shove her in back of car and clamp my hand over her mouth to shut her up.  
  
22:17- Beginning to suspect I'm more drunk than I thought.  
  
22:18- Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz  
  
DANIEL  
  
22:18- Oh what a fabulous evening this has turned out to be. Now have two drunken airforce majors asleep in the back of my car. Decide to take Sam home first as her house is closer. Besides , she less drunk, it should be easier.  
  
22:29- Guess again, she won't wake up, suspect she's had about a quarter the liquor Janet has so if this is anything to go by getting Janet home is going to be a nightmare. Lucky I have keys to both their houses.  
  
22:36- Have finally managed to get her in her bed. She is way heavier than she looks.  
  
22:37- Get back to car to find it empty. Doc's made a break for freedom. Walk round to other side of car. She didn't get very far.  
  
22:38- Have an exceptionally drunk Doctor, back in the back of my car, head for her house.  
  
22:59- Finally get there. Learned from experience at Sam's and open the door before I try to lift her out of car.  
  
23:00- Find out that Janet is lighter than she looks.  
  
23:01- Have no idea where her bedroom is. Carry her upstairs, bang her head on way up. My bad.  
  
23:04- Found her room on third try. Put her down on bed, when she decides to regain consciousness, sort off.  
  
23:05- She begins again mumbling about how much she loves me. I can feel my cheeks going red. Oh boy, I know this stage of drunkeness.  
  
23:06- Haul her ass to the bathroom just in time. A little role reversal is played as I have to watch her puking everywhere.  
  
23:08- She passes out again, so don't want to be her in the morning. Clean her up a bit and carry her back to bed.  
  
23:09- She's all tucked in and I'm ready to go when wakes up again. Clamps her hand on my arm and asks me to stay.  
  
23:10- She passes out again, but hand is still clamped to arm. Decide her new nickname should be iron fist. Maybe I should stay anyway, just in case she's sick again. Lie down on bed next to her, have no choice since she won't let go.  
  
23:37- Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz  
  
JANET  
  
08:06- Awwwwwww, head, sore, very, water, need.  
  
08:07- Water...water.  
  
08:08- I will never drink again.  
  
08:09- try to remember what the hell happened last night. Remember Sam picking me up..and not much after that.  
  
08:11- Try to move, manage to roll over. Aaaaaaargh, what the hell did I do last night. Roll back over way quicker than my head likes.  
  
08:12- Turn head again to make sure I'm not having some sort of alcohol induced hallucination. Nope, he's definitely real. Oh shit.  
  
08:13- Hand shakily reaches out for phone. By some miracle I can remember Sam's number.  
  
08:14- A gruff voice answers phone, it sounds familiar,  
  
"Sir?" I say as I recognise voice's owner.  
  
"Doc?" 


End file.
